The labor education is one of the important courses that we must have passed before we graduate. If we did not pass the labor education, we would have some difficulty in graduate. Therefore, the labor education is really important for all of the student who wants to graduate successfully. However, the things that we have to do in this course are to clean the school by ourselves. It is a very strange course that I couldn’t understand why we have to clean the school like a labor. I think it is really not necessary to have this course. On one hand there is no different between weather we do the labor education or not. And on the other hand is that you have to do the labor education at the time when did the school ruled. Although the school let we choose the time we want, it is just chosen by the computer randomly. Take myself as an example; I didn’t get the time I wanted, so it is very inconvenient. For example, I only have four classes in the morning about three days each week, but I always have to stay in school until five thirty to do my labor education. Because of that that, I decided not to do the labor education until I choose the time I want.
Hi Robert,
回覆刪除我有看到你的點, 但支持你的點的理由可以再強一點，例如你說I think it is really not necessary to have this course, because almost every student doesn’t want to do this.(因為大家都不想做)----所以不必要有這勞教
這論點有點...??...
而另一點有一點小偏題--談論勞教時間分配的不公平是OK, 但是攻擊的方式要切題, 你再看一下
其他小文法如下:
1. The labor education is one of the important courses, that we must to pass before we graduate.
中間不用逗號
must to pass看一下文法哪裡錯
2.If we did not pass the labor education before, we would have some difficulty about graduate.
這一句的before可以不要
difficulty + in 什麼方面
3.Therefore, the labor education is really important for all of the student who wants to graduate successfully.
Good!
4.It is very strange course that I couldn’t understand why we have to clean the school like a labor.
course是可數名詞喔, 所以...
5. I think it is really not necessary to have this course, because almost every student doesn’t want to do this.
because用對了!!!
但是論點有點弱
6.And there are three different times that you can choose when you want to do your labor education.
轉折有點不順
times改sessions
建議用一個句子來當轉折，讓觀眾知道你要講論另一個缺點，如: Another thing that I hate about Labor Education is that its wordload is unfairly distributed to students. 再接你要說的那些there are three different sessions...
7. Although the school let we choose the time we want, it is just chosen by the computer randomly.
改school allows us to choose (而非let we choose)
8.Take myself as an example; I didn’t choose the time I want, so it is very inconvenient.
第一want要用過去式
第二這裡不再用choose了, 而是get!
或寫 I wasn't assigned the session I wanted
9.
For example, I only have four classes in the morning about three days each week, but I always have to stay in school until five thirty to do my labor education.
(poor Robert...)
10
According to that, I decided not to do the labor education until I choose the time I want.
According to在這兒的轉折不對味, 用 Because of that會好一些